For many people, wanting to be partnered is a wholesome and healthy desire. In romantic relationships, you may hope to connect supportively in every way with the person you love. Everyone has hopes, dreams, and needs in their relationships.
You and your partner are shaped by your families of origin, by the people you grew up among, by school, by social media, and by the society we live within. These influences can show up in ways we don’t always expect.
Relationships can be a cauldron that heats up anything unhealthy in you and/or your partner to a boiling point. This might provide an opportunity for healing past wounds, or it might cause issues, be unhealthy or even dangerous in some cases.
While every relationship has its highs and lows, and no one is perfect, it is important to get help if your relationship is always unhappy, and to get out of a relationship where you are treated with any type of abuse or violence.
What are some signs of a healthy relationship?
You can sometimes tell your boundary has been ignored when you feel uncomfortable or angry but can’t pinpoint a reason. Some types of abuse may be harder to identify; they might look like:
A big difference in age between romantic partners can bring up complex power dynamics. What matters most is that you feel respected, safe, and in control of your choices.
The law sets limits on age gaps in relationships to help protect young people from being exploited.
In Canada, the age of sexual consent is 16 years old, if your partner has “no relationship of trust, authority, or dependency” with you. This means it is illegal for a teacher, social worker, foster parent, counsellor, etc., to have sexual contact with you.
If you are 16 or older, your relationship may be legal, but that doesn’t always mean it is safe, comfortable, or balanced. An older partner has more life experience, access to money, or social power. Sometimes, these differences can be supportive, but they can also make it easier for someone to control or take advantage of you, especially if you’re relying on them for things like housing, money, or emotional support. Research tells us that you are at more risk of experiencing intimate partner violence in an age gap relationship. Some questions to ask yourself are:
If your answer to any of these questions is “No,” you may want to reach out for support.
Exploration of identity is one of the tasks of young adulthood, and people figure it out at different rates. Different people are drawn to different experiences. Kink is not for everyone, but some folks like to explore power dynamics. Not all kink is sexual.
Kink is not abuse. However, not everyone who offers a kink relationship is doing so with good intentions. Here are some ways to be safer if you choose to explore the kink community.
If something doesn’t feel right, trust your intuition! You are not obligated to continue in any type of relationship.
During the first year of addictions recovery, you are vulnerable while you figure out life without substances and develop other ways of coping. Unfortunately, even in recovery programs, there are predators. The “13th Step” refers to more experienced people in the program who take advantage of people new to recovery. Often, it is older men who take advantage of younger women and girls in the 12 Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. It is good to be matched with a trusted sponsor early, who will support you to stay safe. If you find yourself experiencing an abuse of power, talk to your sponsor or one of the people who lead the group.
Are you concerned about your own aggression and the way you treat people you care about? Have you done things you regret? Have you lost relationships because of your behaviour?
The first step toward healing is awareness. As a youth, your opportunity for healing and becoming the person you want to be is very possible.
Violence is four times as likely to be done by men in intimate partner relationships, but women may be violent as well. Twenty percent of violence reported to the RCMP in British Columbia is done by women, to men.
Some of the factors which may contribute to you acting out violently might include having seen violence toward your parent in childhood or being treated violently yourself. You know how that experience felt, and your awareness gives you the opportunity to not pass that pain along to others.
Stresses such as not having enough money, trouble at work or school, family troubles, substance use, etc. can make it harder to feel in control of your behaviour. While these things may make life more difficult, stressors in your life do not make intimate partner violence okay.
Sometimes people like the power of frightening, hurting, and controlling others. It’s great that you recognize genuinely caring for one another is much more rewarding.
Violence is never the right choice in your relationships. It is important to heal and to learn healthier strategies to manage your feelings and behaviour.
Change takes courage and might feel overwhelming. There is help.
For many people, wanting to be partnered is a wholesome and healthy desire. In romantic relationships, you may hope to connect supportively in every way with the person you love. Everyone has hopes, dreams, and needs in their relationships.
You and your partner are shaped by your families of origin, by the people you grew up among, by school, by social media, and by the society we live within. These influences can show up in ways we don’t always expect.
Relationships can be a cauldron that heats up anything unhealthy in you and/or your partner to a boiling point. This might provide an opportunity for healing past wounds, or it might cause issues, be unhealthy or even dangerous in some cases.
While every relationship has its highs and lows, and no one is perfect, it is important to get help if your relationship is always unhappy, and to get out of a relationship where you are treated with any type of abuse or violence.
What are some signs of a healthy relationship?
You can sometimes tell your boundary has been ignored when you feel uncomfortable or angry but can’t pinpoint a reason. Some types of abuse may be harder to identify; they might look like:
A big difference in age between romantic partners can bring up complex power dynamics. What matters most is that you feel respected, safe, and in control of your choices.
The law sets limits on age gaps in relationships to help protect young people from being exploited.
In Canada, the age of sexual consent is 16 years old, if your partner has “no relationship of trust, authority, or dependency” with you. This means it is illegal for a teacher, social worker, foster parent, counsellor, etc., to have sexual contact with you.
If you are 16 or older, your relationship may be legal, but that doesn’t always mean it is safe, comfortable, or balanced. An older partner has more life experience, access to money, or social power. Sometimes, these differences can be supportive, but they can also make it easier for someone to control or take advantage of you, especially if you’re relying on them for things like housing, money, or emotional support. Research tells us that you are at more risk of experiencing intimate partner violence in an age gap relationship. Some questions to ask yourself are:
If your answer to any of these questions is “No,” you may want to reach out for support.
Exploration of identity is one of the tasks of young adulthood, and people figure it out at different rates. Different people are drawn to different experiences. Kink is not for everyone, but some folks like to explore power dynamics. Not all kink is sexual.
Kink is not abuse. However, not everyone who offers a kink relationship is doing so with good intentions. Here are some ways to be safer if you choose to explore the kink community.
If something doesn’t feel right, trust your intuition! You are not obligated to continue in any type of relationship.
During the first year of addictions recovery, you are vulnerable while you figure out life without substances and develop other ways of coping. Unfortunately, even in recovery programs, there are predators. The “13th Step” refers to more experienced people in the program who take advantage of people new to recovery. Often, it is older men who take advantage of younger women and girls in the 12 Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. It is good to be matched with a trusted sponsor early, who will support you to stay safe. If you find yourself experiencing an abuse of power, talk to your sponsor or one of the people who lead the group.
Are you concerned about your own aggression and the way you treat people you care about? Have you done things you regret? Have you lost relationships because of your behaviour?
The first step toward healing is awareness. As a youth, your opportunity for healing and becoming the person you want to be is very possible.
Violence is four times as likely to be done by men in intimate partner relationships, but women may be violent as well. Twenty percent of violence reported to the RCMP in British Columbia is done by women, to men.
Some of the factors which may contribute to you acting out violently might include having seen violence toward your parent in childhood or being treated violently yourself. You know how that experience felt, and your awareness gives you the opportunity to not pass that pain along to others.
Stresses such as not having enough money, trouble at work or school, family troubles, substance use, etc. can make it harder to feel in control of your behaviour. While these things may make life more difficult, stressors in your life do not make intimate partner violence okay.
Sometimes people like the power of frightening, hurting, and controlling others. It’s great that you recognize genuinely caring for one another is much more rewarding.
Violence is never the right choice in your relationships. It is important to heal and to learn healthier strategies to manage your feelings and behaviour.
Change takes courage and might feel overwhelming. There is help.
